A Collection of Funny Sayings
Funny sayings exercise your brain and your sense of humor.
Here is a small collection that will eventually grow to cover
several pages (check back).
- Everybody lies. But it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
- Unknown
- "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a
mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are
a mile away from them, and you have their shoes." - Frieda
Norris
- "Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It’s too
crowded." - Yogi Berra
- "You have to be careful if you don’t know where
you’re going because you might not get there." - Yogi
Berra
- I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe
when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. - Woody
Allen
- "Why is it when we talk to God we’re praying,
but when God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic?" - Lily
Tomlin
- Build a man a fire and he’s warm for a night. Set
a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life. -
Anonymous
- Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words
might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological
damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related
efficiency. - Anonymous
- Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
- Anonymous
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to
serve as a bad example. - Anonymous
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it. - Anonymous
- In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made
a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad
move. - Douglas Adams
- Half of the people in the world are below average. -
Anonymous
- Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his
second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
- Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation
of denying himself a pleasure. - Ambrose Bierce
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a
vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown
- Always and never are two words you should always remember
never to use. - Wendell Johnson
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